legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
