So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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