i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
