so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
