i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
