I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize