those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
