covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
