Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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