He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
