The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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