oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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