why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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