do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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