do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
