i would punch a child for taco bell
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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