Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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