Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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