so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
