just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
