Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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