I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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