Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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