Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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