Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
