I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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