East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
