Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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