just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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