Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
