even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize