I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
