There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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