she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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