He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
