Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
