I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
jump out the window naked night went bad
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