where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
vagina is talking i cant
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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