I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
