At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
