If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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