I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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