it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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