Sry I called you an 8
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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