At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize