i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
