I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize