The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
