I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
