my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
