So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
