looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
