He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize