so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
