dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
