I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
