You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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