I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
