he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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