New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
