p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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