You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
