so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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