Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
