maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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