You just made me feel so damn special
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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