you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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