guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
