I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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