I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
