I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
