Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
