Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
