I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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