I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
