lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
