He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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